Rose

Dream…everyone says—you should dream. But dreaming seems like a luxury now. When I was a child, dreams came easier…the castles and white horse and oh…the unicorns. But as time passed and I grew, so did my world, but it all seemed too bleak. The world is a cruel place, and so is every soul.

But ain’t I one of them? The nasty one…taking up space for no reason. What if I were never born…

“Can you get me that book?”

“Huh…”

“Book, miss, that one—Hope.”

I looked at the middle-aged man as he came back to reality. Breathe, Rose…you are going to make it through. I nodded as I stretched my hands away from the ladder I stood on.

Hope

‘Joy has a way through life. It comes, flutters, and goes. But hope stays. It stays even in your darkest days because without it…We are better off to our graves.’

I skimmed through the blurb at the back as I handed the book to the man’s awaiting hands.

“Here.”

I mumbled softly, not wanting to be heard. But then why would I say it in the first place…

Hope

The man thanklessly walked away. Not that his thank you would have meant anything. Today, the saints and the devils wear the same skin.

I got back to arranging the non-fiction books that had just arrived.

1 hour…2 hours…3 hours…

That’s how long it took to clean the mess others have left behind in the book shop.

“Your turn at the cash counter, babe…”

Axel stated as my skin crawled at his tone. Deep breathes Rose, you can’t lose this job. You have rent to pay, a tummy to fill, and a body to dress. I wordlessly walked towards the cash counter as Axel mindfully brushed past me.

I took a shaky breath as I busied myself with checking the barcodes and collecting the cash.

Another chime…meant another reader…willing to pay to read…at least I believed.

I didn’t lift my eyes from the computer screen, but I could hear a little shuffling.

“Ahhh…”

I looked up to see a man dressed in an expensive suit and Oxfords fumbling around the magazine section.

I sighed…more stuff to rearrange…

He seemed to be in his mid-forties as he pondered upon two editions of a local politics and economics magazine. 

Wanting to help the man work through his confusion and looking at the limited people in the shop—an uninterested Axel, the man, and me…I decided to help him.

“Do you need some help, sir?”

I politely questioned as the man turned around. A light white stubble covered his wrinkled mile. But his blue eyes seem to talk of experience. I have seen such eyes before…one that I hope to see in myself one day.

A pair that talks about the battle cries, the misery, and the warrior overcoming them. But again, neither am I a warrior nor my miseries know an end.

“Ahhh…dear, I am not too sure. You know I am trying to stop a raging war in my house.”

The man said with mirth in his eyes.

“Pardon?”

I questioned. Unable to understand his context.

“You see, tonight happens to be the monthly family dinner night, and let's just say that my son loves to interrogate me during our dinner. Sometimes, it’s about politics and other times about the economy. But this time I would like to be prepared. But I can’t milk too much…aging and all. So, deciding whether I should enter the war zone with a political guide or an economic guide.”

The man said. His voice was warm, unlike the chill in New York, and I couldn’t help but smile. It’s been a long time since someone has shown this courtesy to me. And coming from a man dressed that well…even harder to believe.

I smiled at him as I looked at both editions.

“I think politics will do you better this month.”

I replied.

The man stared for a moment, then frowned and then smiled…

“Are you trying to read my mind, child?”

The man questioned with a subtle pout as a laugh bubbled through my throat.

“Yes, sir, these days, everyone is a psychic, especially when the government is hell bound on playing the victims even after having all the power in their hands.”

I replied with slight sarcasm. But as soon as the words left my mouth, my afterthought started eating me.

Was I being rude?

Was my knowledge even correct?

What if he thinks I am trying to outsmart him?

What if…

“You are completely right. So politics it is.”

The man said as the voices in my head started to hush.

“Can you bill it for me…Rose…?”

The man requested while looking at my name tag.

I nodded my head as I walked back to the counter.

As I tucked away the magazine in the brown envelope, a crisp bill of $100 was placed on the table. I took the note, and as I started to gather the change…
“Keep it dear. You have saved this old man a great deal of trouble.”

The man said, waving me off. I looked at the bill in shock.

“Sir, I can’t…”

I started…but was cut off by him.

“This isn’t my generosity, rather your worth, Rose…”

Worth

The words spun around my head…me a worthless being…a miserable low life who is good for nothing had some…worth…

“Sir, I…I can’t. It’s too much.”

I countered, to which he only smiled back.

“Knight, Blake Knight. And never let anyone else's standard decide what's too much and what’s not.”

I was stunned as I mutely nodded my head, trying to keep my tears at bay.

“Also, you seem like a smart girl. If you ever need another job. Do try out my son’s company. He respects humility and honesty more than me.”

Blake said, passing me a card that I took and tugged in my jeans back pocket without looking.

Me, a high school dropout and smart…!

I thanked Blake once again as he took the magazine and started to walk towards the door.

“Woah…quite the tip…”

Axel said, whistling. I completely forgot about him until he brought himself up. I didn’t even realise his eyes were on us this whole time.

“I…”

I shut my mouth as I myself had no explanation.

And never let anyone else's standard decide what's too much and what’s not.

“Well, Rose, I have somewhere to head to. Will you be fine closing the store on your own today?”

Axel questioned.

“Yeah, sure.”

I said as I watched Axel collect his stuff and leave. But not before leaving an unsettling last glance at me.

A few more customers walked by, and as the night drew closer and closer with no readers in sight in the past half an hour, I decided it was time to close the shop.

I packed my stuff as I walked out of the shop, locking it behind me. 

As I walked through the pebbled pedestrian towards narrower alleys with lingering alcohol bottles…my reality started coming back to me. 

Will it all always remain the same?

I questioned in my head as I heard whistling moments behind me. Even before I could turn around, I was roughly shoved against the adjacent brick wall.

A scream bubbled in my chest. But a hand on my mouth and a look at the man was enough to remind me why the saints and the devils wore the same skin now.

Axel…with bloodshot eyes…looked at me as if I were a prey. He was high. I always knew about Axel’s tendencies, but never saw them firsthand.

“Rose…pretty as a rose…”

Axel said in a sing-song manner. His expressions were crazed…

“Let me taste you…”

He purred in my ears as my body froze and tears started to build in my eyes.

“Don’t cry right now…I haven’t even started.”

Axel said as I tried thrashing and shoving him away, but a knife next to my throat made all my moments stop.

“Try again, and I won’t be that kind.”

Axel hissed.

Death is a compulsion, Rose, you can’t escape it, but don’t let it be your master…

Sister Anne’s words came rushing back to me as I shoved him away with all my might and started to run. I could hear a chuckle at the back, but didn’t dare turn around.

He was coming closer, running faster, I needed to get to the exit of the alley, onto the main street…only then…

THUD

I fell on the ground after colliding with something hard as Axel’s laugh neared me. Another one…

I looked up to see a man looking between Axel, holding a knife, and me.

I didn’t know if he was to help, run, or join. But all I could do was hope…

“Help…”